star trek: generations

now i'm thinking about that movie. i consider it to be one of the best of the series. here is my list, from best to worst:

1. star trek 2: the wrath of khan (everything about it was good; good story line, cool bad guy. by the way, that was really ricardo montalban's chest in that movie). khan was a carry over from an original star trek episode, which is cool. in the late '60's episode, kirk sends khan and his friends to some planet to live out the rest of their lives. they had tried to kill the crew and take over the enterprise.

they were sent to a planet that wasn't that bad of a place to live. turns out, over time, it turned into a horrible place to live, and kahn is not pleased.

this movie was made more than 10 years after that original episode, so it was a nice connection between the two.

2. have to go with star trek: 4 the voyage home (more comedy than any other star trek movie; they return to present day earth in a klingon bird of prey, which, according to star trek lore, was originally a romulan ship, but was stolen by the klingons - yes, i know way too much).

stuff like kirk saying spock took too much LDS, instead of LSD. the time travel thing was kind of goofy, but hey, it's star trek.

3. have to go with star trek: generations here. kirk and picard meet! that's pretty cool. the nexus thing was kind of goofy though. introduced for the first time, of course, this nexus thingy lets you go anywhere in your mind that you want to. so this is how kirk and picard get to meet.

back in kirk's day, he is sucked into the nexus. we now know that now, but at the time, everyone else thought he died. eighty years later, picard gets sucked into the nexus. so you see, time has no meaning here. when picard gets sucked in, kirk is in there. as long as you are in there, you pretty well get to live forever.

that reminds me of another thing - basically this movie shows that picard cannot take on the bad guy by himself, he needs help. pretty handy that he could enlist the help of a guy that was supposed to be dead, but was luckily still alive thanks to the nexus thingy.

talk about messing around with the timeline thing. star trek always talks about not messing with the timeline, it screws things up. i guess they threw that out the window, because kirk returns to picard's time to help him fight soran. and, like i said, pretty sad that it takes two star trek captains to take on one guy in a tight black outfit, who doesn't even have any super powers or even a big gun.

my favourite part was picard in the nexus thingy. it takes you to anywhere your mind wants to go. picard never married nor had a family. when he wakes in the nexus thingy, it's christmas, and he has a wife and family. i almost cried. guess you had to be there.

4. star trek 6: the undiscovered country (only because it's better than what's left). it was the last movie to feature the original cast. it had a decent story line - OK, i don't remember too much about this one - it was better than what's left. foreman's dad from that '70s show was in it, the actor who played Odo from deep space nine was in it, that worf guy from star trek: the next generation was in it, he got to play his own grandfather, and so on.....

5. i guess i will put in star trek 1: the movie here. sure, it was the first to resurrect the original cast, to every trekkies' delight. but it wasn't that great of a movie. it was directed by a really respected director too, robert wise.

and it was made when special effects were getting better, although, in this movie, they don't look that great. remember, star wars came out two years or so before this one.

it must have looked great on paper, but it was kind of boring....too long, not really a great story. i will try to sum up quickly: some kind of entity, a huge entity i might add, is killing things.....something like that. klingons are going in there and getting killed, but klingons should be killed, so who cares?

so kirk and company decide to investigate. they play nice, so the thingy thing doesn't kill them. they finally get to the center of this huge entity thingy.....and land. turns out......don't read if you don't want to know......what's powering this huge entity thingy is a space probe that humans sent out from earth years ago.

it travelled around the universe, gaining POWER and KNOWLEDGE, and was able to create these great special effects all around itself. i guess what is more important is that it had gained, like, an awareness about itself. it wanted to know who its creator was. it wanted to meet its CREATOR.

and everyone is going 'whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?'

back up a bit. before the crew landed on the thingy, the thingy sent a representative to talk to them. it was like a holographic thingy, in the form of a bald babe, who in real life is now dead. this holographic, bald, thingy thing was awesome - she could walk through walls and stuff, but she couldn't speak proper english.

but she was good looking, so it didn't matter - everyone was going 'wowowowowwowowowow'.

anyway, so they land, they get to the center of this thingy, and find this contraption. and it looks oddly familiar. up to this point everyone has been calling it v'ger.

kirk, or someone, walks up to the thing, and finds dirt and grime and stuff on this thingy (can dirt and grime and stuff exist in space?) and he wipes away some dirt and grime to find........
don't read further.........that it says voyager................ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........it's not v'ger, it's voyager, a space probe launched by humans a bizillion years ago......actually in our time.

anyway.....aaahhhhhhhhhhhha...........they realize that a voyager probe from earth has now become sort of like, aware, like your dog or cat will never do..........and that it wants to meet its CREATOR........whatttttttttttttttttttttttttt?.....which, by the way, is you and me.

we....are.....the.....CREATORS! like kirk would say.

anyway, so....because that guy from seventh heaven, that collins guy, is so horny, he agrees to MATE with the bald babe thingy thing so that it can meet its creator. wow, good thing, we didn't have another plan!

so they mate, not like you and i know it, sort of like a special effects sex scene mating thingy - and all is well after that. maybe this movie belongs on the bottom of the list.

6. star trek: first contact. i'm starting to think i don't like star trek movies so much anymore. this is like therapy for me, and i can finally rid myself of my star trek obssession (as if i want to do that!).

again, this one is here because it's better than what's left. the borg are in this one - the borg are supposed to be scary, but they are not. they were cool when we first saw them, way back when....but, now, they are just stupid.

you can walk amongst them as long as you don't cause trouble! what kind of bad guy is that?

borg, thinking to himself/herself: i am a borg, i have no brain, i am covered in steel and have all these cool killing attachments on me.......so why is it that i just basically stand around looking stupid? and why is that i don't actually kill anything with my cool killing attachments? oh.....hold on...i think it's because i am a sad star trek baddie! yeah.....that's it!

they were cool, like i said, when we first met them, but they turned into something less scary than that stoop-id doll in 'child's play'.

ok, stop meeeeeeee!

7. star trek: the search for spock. i had to go back to this one (not because i wanted to). spock died in the movie before this, so of course they had to bring him back, and they do in this one. how does that sound? yes, as boring as it sounds. the genesis project brought spock back from the dead. he was re-born on this planet, and kirk and crew find him down there as a boy - don't ask!

it was geeky. christopher lloyd, who we loved in 'taxi' and the 'back to the future' movies was in this one, in really bad make-up and reading really bad lines.

lloyd and kirk have a 'fight to the death' thing going on' - geez, i wonder who is going to win? - apparently, for this fight scene, the rocks around these two guys were supposed to go up and down - but they didn't work right - so they don't go up and down.

lloyd dies, kirk looks up, and sees whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? the enterprise disintegrating. YES! the enterprise is dead - which, allows the guys to steal that klingon bird of prey, so that they can fly around in that for the next movie. yeah!

8. star trek: nemesis. ok. if you are still with me at this point, i thank you. i'm barely here. even though, i will still watch these movies..............how sad is that? hey, maybe i won't. how happy is that?

nemesis. did poorly at the box office. do we need someone who can actually come up with some interesting ideas? i think so.

quickly: earlier, the romulans had picard cloned. now his clone is back to reek havoc on the crew - to do bad things. so picard meets his clone, and the bad guy has this really awesome weapon that can wipe out an entire thingy in a few thingy minutes.

the part when picard and data escape from the clone guy's ship was kind of cool. picard had to pilot this clone thingy ship through the corridors of the clone guy's ship. and it was pretty handy that data could understand the controls of this alien ship, or they weren't going anywhere.

DON'T READ PAST HERE!

this movie is memorable really only for the reason that DATA DIES IN IT! sorry, data can't die. you have to be human to die................dont' you?

data sacrifices himself for the crew - the bad guy's ship blows up real good at the end. and really, data doesn't really die - or at least, he is not gone forever, because at the beginning of the movie, the crew finds all these parts of an android on this planet. turns out it is B4 - get it? before data. this android was built by data's creator before he created data. but he is a lot dumber than data.

at the end, data is gone, but B4 stays with the crew, so it's like data is still around.

9. star trek: insurrection - ? this movie is pretty forgettable. i think it has something to do with this race of bad guys who find that there are healing properties on this certain planet, which makes them younger. problem is, there are inhabitants living there. so the bad guys are going to get rid of the inhabitants, and the enterprise crew must stop them.

blah! there are a couple of cool parts though. at the beginning, data goes AWOL - don't remember why, and takes off in a shuttle. so picard makes chase and they manage to latch onto data's shuttle and bring him down. another funnyish part was when data fell into deep water. he simply walked back to shore walking along the bottom - he doesn't have to breathe.

later we learn that won't happen again because data can now change himself into some sort of flotation device. yay!

10. Star Trek: the final frontier - worst star trek movie. spock's half brother sybok hijacks the enterprise because he wants to go meet God - he has the co-ordinates! blah blah blah.

they do in fact meet up with this 'entity' and sybok believes it is God, but it is not very friendly, and threatens harm or death or something, so that's how the crew knows it can't be God. what a waste.

there you go. you still there? me? i just fell asleep.